reflections on weight - feeling deconstitute

this month i weigh 160;
3 months ago i was 190.

6 months ago 170...

maybe if i'm lucky i'll just waste away,
my body decaying to brittle dust.
no more aches and pains,
no more tightness around my ribs.

today one meal;
last it was two.

i originally wanted this waist away,
but now i'll settle for this mortal coil.
the monotonous repetition,
how can i possibly go on?

chew and swallow.
chew and swallow.

food has never been such a chore.

interest lost between bites,
such a funny sensation,
finding ways to fill my body,
but not my empty heart.

maybe once my flesh has shrunk,
the hole will be a bit smaller