yellowstone
In the summer of 2017, i embarked on a 4-day road-trip with my father. We drove 2700 miles from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to Yellowstone National Park and back.
This series is about that trip, mapping the topology of memory and the encoding and decoding of discrete experiences.
That sounds like a lot of jargon, but let’s break it down.
To start, we have to think about this both in the context of a story but also a memory. I was first cued into this while researching ways to more clearly depict my memories of the trip.
While we typically refer to memories as being chronologically organized, research has shown that memory encoding is a lot more complicated than that.
Every time you recall a memory, your mind’s eye builds it just a little bit differently; this concept is used in therapy to go back and reframe an experience to change how it affects you as well as explaining how people’s shared memories drift over time.
Memories are also richer in our minds due to the deep connections between them.
When asked to think about your favorite food, you might also recall: the taste, the smell, the texture, a previous experience, nutritional information about it, the last thing that you ate, when your next meal is, etc.
My work focuses on a topological approach to painting, where different abstracts (things, symbols, icons, etc.) come together to provide a greater context to the subject. It is by no means surprising that humans are emotional creatures, but what’s less discussed is how those emotions drive us and how quickly and completely they define our perceptions of reality. It is my goal to create works that depict not only the content of the work, but also manage to capture some of the peripheral information that our minds use to understand the larger environment around us. Put more simply, it’s my ambition to create work that communicates a scene or location while also reminding the viewer of all the small things that are around us but go unnoticed.
topology of: favorite food
connections: taste, smell, texture, previous experience, nutritional information, past, potential futures, etc.
Topology focuses on the fuzzy connections between points in a dataset. These connections can be warped and distorted so long as they’re continuous transformations (ones that don’t introduce new edges, create or close holes, or clip through itself).
In the context of this work, we’re going to be focusing on discrete (clearly-defined) memories and the way that they connect to other past events. Of course, my memory isn’t perfect, so different objects and times are represented as jumbled within a larger scene or setting.
thesis proposal - (February 2019)
A truth that artists have known for ages is that seeing things is a lot more involved than pointing someone’s eyes at something; scientists have developed names for the two discrete parts of sight that have been identified: overt sight and covert sight. overt sight is what our eyes do when they take in information about our environments. Of course our eyes receive way more date than our minds can process, so our brains compress that information and discard whatever they don’t deem “necessary” information through the process of covert sight. But, even though you’re throwing out the information, that doesn’t mean that it’s useless; you still process your surroundings when you are in the space even if you don’t remember them. This data is important for the mental model that you have of the space, and that’s what’s piqued my interest.
This area of interest has led me to look at prehistoric cave paintings and their use of symbol and that has posed questions regarding the importance and ubiquity of symbols in every facet of our lives as well as reigniting an interest in the relationship between subject, audience, and medium. My development this semester will include experimenting with ways engaging the audience with the material and searching for ways to connect that material to my practice. I will also get a chance to experiment with symbols of varying relation and this is sure to provide me with opportunities to consider future subjects and approaches.
“the-yellowstone-project” depicts my 2017 journey from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to Yellowstone National Park and back. The series will depict the events not as they were, but as they are remembered. This project is important for the development of future projects, as i need to establish a better understanding of what relationship various elements have with one another as well as refining the read of the work. In this case, subject matter that i have an abundance of reference and a personal connection to is easiest to work out some of the kinks with.
The trip has been divided into 9 “scenes” (particular legs of the journey) which will be depicted in the paintings: “scene 1: departure”, “scene 2: the plains”, “scene 3: dignity”, “scene 4: the canyon, scene 5: the mountains, scene 6: sunset south dakota, scene 7: rapid, scene 8: wall drug, and “scene 9: return.” To ease the process of painting as well as to facilitate the timely completion of all pieces, i‘m looking into ways i can incorporate the process of stenciling into my workflow. These stencils will prove themselves invaluable not only in the initial process, but also should I decide to reproduce my work in the future.
The paintings are intended to be displayed in sequence although I have yet to sort out all the details.”
[ammendment-1] (March 2021)
after recent consideration, i think i will change my project. i haven’t given up on the yellowstone project or its content, however i just don’t have the time necessary to complete the series and i would much rather pivot to something smaller than undermine its integrity.
This new project focuses on our relationships with our smartphones, pointing out some of the common scenes experienced in these modern times. Rather than the walls and windows approach, i‘ve modeled these paintings after tablets, both in terms of carved stone documents and their modern children. This has somewhat changed my relationship to the painting since it feels as though it’s inviting me to physically handle it as well as encouraging more visually-tactile paint application.
To assist me in developing these explorations further, I’ve included acrylic paint in my process as an intermediary layer between gesso and oil. My hope is to use the techniques developed from my painting
[update-1] (May 2021)
At this moment, yellowstone is on pause. As i continue to integrate materiality and the relationship between the viewer and the work, i think i want to be able to fully realize this project with those things as well. Everyday, i get better at telling my stories and this story is one with a lot of potential for significant growth with the right materials.
[update-1] (August 2024)
we got older: we prayed to stay the same
moments captured from a mystical summer's journey
I've left the cold beginnings of life,
and entered dewy springs.
if my heart were any lighter,
i'd grow prismatic wings
Prologue - Winter - growing older sucks
I - I want to be a sprite
II - Nature is born in cycles, spring follows winter
III - But snows don't melt from my frozen bones
IV - My soul will leave my flesh behind, like bitter rime's sublimation
Spring - my heart is young
V - I was born in the early spring.
VI - The sun brought warmth, and the winds, rain.
VII - Within the chaos, my soul split open and shot toward the heavens.
VIII - But though I dream of that eternal growth, my flesh begins to settle.
Summer - the days will get longer
IX - My breath is the wind, my back is the earth.
X - I rise and fall with the rhythm of the world.
XI - Even thought night may fall, the sun will be right behind it. The days are long and full of mysteries not yet unraveled. But time will help
XII -And in this cosmic dance, I become another light in the sky
Autumn - I wither away slowly
XIII - How can I slow the seasons? Life is passing by too fast. Time is passing too fast.
XIV - I had so many dreams for youth but never found a moment's reprieve. Now all I know are pauses. I live in the silence.
XV - Time has become so fleeting, a currency I never knew how to spend. Now I fill my purses with it, hoping for sunny days to return.
XVI - "Now" is the only time to spend; before today becomes yesterday becomes antiquity. The future is uncertain; everything stays but it still changes.
Epilogue - Winter Again - perhaps time was always a friend
XVII - Death came and sat at my door again. The hour is never known, but death is one of life's only certainties.
XVIII - We sat and talked for hours, sharing memories from times long forgot: how much had changed about the world, and how much had changed about myself.
XIX - Death had always been there, popping in to remind me that time was limited. And over the years, Death became a friend, bringing along more friends to come and sit: Desire, Dread, and Time. I recognized their faces.
XX - Time brought me through every dark night and Time will be the one to bring me beyond; and so I'll move forward until that last long night begins.
What was it that first drew me to this project?
I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this project and how to move it forward.
I still have all the paintings in my studio; I’ve dragged them with me wherever I could. At first, the comments I received called the work “sentimental,” and that didn’t sit right with me. It wasn’t about nostalgia, or tenderness, or any kind of sadness. It was the crossing of a threshold; one that I could never return to the other side of. And while that may indeed sound sentimental, I wanted to encapsulate a larger feeling than just that.
What struck me about traveling to Yellowstone was how bleak the journey felt. We drove from the city, through hills and forests, across empty fields of corn and grass. The trip itself was so short, and yet every stop was punctuated by human development. Every step took us further into the country, and yet there was no true wilderness to be found. Everything had some human aspect, some human industry attached.
Dad told me that we were camping in the park for the night. Then we’d pick up my brother in the morning and drive off. And so my expectation was immersion in nature. I was looking forward to the detachment.
When we arrived at the National Park, however, so much of the place had been paved over; so much of the the site was developed into a pseudo-resort. There were parking lots, dining halls, gift shops, and large hotels to house guests in air-conditioned luxury. This struck me the wrong way. It was so backward to me. How could someone desire to go out into nature, but then reject the reality of the natural world: hot water, plumbing, air conditioning, cafeteria food, mass-produced souvenirs. How was it that we were allowed to turn this protected land into a resort?
Sure, there was nostalgia involved, but it was because I could no longer go back to a world where nature was pure and free from human intervention.
Of course, that world ended before I was born. These things don’t just spring up out of nowhere. But I could no longer be ignorant to the slow industrialization happening around me. I could no longer pretend as through there were truly wild lands left to roam. Not when we were given a map that assured us we wouldn’t be too far from civilization if we wanted.
Is there any wilderness left in this world?
Of course there is.
Look to the parks, gardens, and reserves.
Look at the deserts and ranges.
Nature is everywhere if you just look around.
Much of the world stretches out,
a blank canvas, ready for our ambitions.
But where is the wilderness?
Where are these virginal plains?
Where may I cast my eyes across the countryside,
and lose trace of anything humane or civil?
Where can I loaf in the mud,
and ponder the curiosities of butterflies
or the long trailing of an ant?
The creatures have not gone, but gone is the wild.
Gone is the insurmountable distance
from human hand or human will.
Wilderness used to mean a land of wild animals.
But we’ve touched everything in a blubbering frenzy.
How then can we wash it clean?
Ah, but perhaps this eyes is a glutton.
As much as one might claim
to hold the land, sea, or sky by bond,
to lead the living by carrot or bridle,
these are the claims of a proud sinner.
No mortal can lay true claim to the dust into which they return.
Humans own nothing but the fruit of their labor,
and the waifish sheets they bind it to.
No one owns the brooks or the fields.
No one owns the air.
One can claim to own these things,
but seldom can they control them.
And yet we have.
We claimed this world and filled it with our waste.
If I sit in the sun for long enough,
I lose my desire to be human.
Is that normal?
Is that natural?
I wonder.
I wish to become wild,
but how do I escape the world of men?